We aren’t sharing this to make you feel bad for us. In fact, I really don’t want people to feel bad for us. I want love and care and comfort but I don’t want you to feel bad. We are sharing this because we believe that God moves through prayer and we want you to be praying for us and for the future of our family. Thanks for walking with us in this difficult time.
A little over a week ago we started miscarrying our third baby.
Jordan and I found out we were pregnant again on December 20th. It was hard for us to believe. Jordan usually has a hard time believing home pregnancy tests, so he took me to get my blood work done and we found out that we were expecting!
We waited until Christmas Eve to tell our families. They were happy and excited for us. It was a nice early Christmas gift.
I was nervous about telling them because of fear of having a miscarriage. We had our first miscarriage back in May of 2011. About nine months later we got pregnant with Micaiah. A little over 3 months after his birth and death we found out we were expecting again. I really thought this one was going to be it…that we were finally going to have a baby to raise and enjoy here. We now know that God has a different plan. And it is definitely a plan that has been a struggle to accept.
The day we found out about this baby my friend sent me a verse from the book of Job. Chapter 42 verse 2 says, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.” This is a bittersweet truth for me. I know He can give us healthy children through pregnancy but that hasn’t been His purpose in our pregnancies. But He is in control and is carrying out His good plans and good purposes for us.
This has been a trying season. One of suffering and loss and pain. God is refining us and it is not an easy process. But we know He is a good Father and that He never leaves or forsakes us…even when we don’t understand and are struggling to trust Him.
I want my heart to be like Job, who after learning of the loss of his children and fortune blessed God. He praised God saying, “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord (my paraphrase).” Please pray that we would trust God like Job did and worship Him in this time. Pray for our hearts to rest in Him and seek Him in this difficult time. Only He can heal our hearts. Please pray for us to walk through all this in a way that honors Him. Pray that we would have faith and not give up. And please pray that He would soon give us the blessing of being pregnant and having another baby. We know that He is more than able.