Our Lives, His Story

Open Hands

“What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the Heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

-Luke 11:11-13

 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Of if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

-Matthew 7:7-11

We asked many times for God to heal Micaiah. We and others prayed for healing but our Father did not give us what we asked for. Doesn’t healing our son sound like a good gift? It sounded like a good gift to me and sometimes it still feels like that would have been the best gift. But this is where we have to trust Him and His definition of good. Good to me does not always mean what is good to Him. I truly believe that if it were better for us, Micaiah would still be here. But he isn’t.

God’s view of things is so much higher and greater than ours. In His eyes, taking Micaiah home was best. Losing Micaiah has been a gift…a gift in more ways than one. It hasn’t always felt like a good gift but I believe that Micaiah’s life and death is and will always be a gift to us.

Jordan and I will never be the same and neither will our marriage. God has done so much in our relationship and I am so so thankful for that. Jordan and I are so much closer and stronger. We also have a the gift of being able to relate to others who walk through difficult pregnancies and experience loss. No matter where we are or how old we get we will be able to love and serve others who walk through similar sitautions. I’m so thankful for that.

So even though we did not get what we asked for we have received some really great gifts. It’s easy to see these gifts looking back but it’s real hard to see them in the middle of the pain. I’m thankful that He has given us eyes to see some of the gifts He has given us in this time of suffering and loss. I know there will be more…just have to wait and see.

Would you join in praying for me to continue to trust Him and His goodness as we continue to walk down this road? We are hoping and longing for more children and we still miss our sweet Micaiah. It is hard to see this time of waiting as being good. Would you pray for our hearts to rest in Him and to trust His timing and plan for us? Pray for us to open our hands to the good gifts He wants to give us in this time. Thanks for your prayers.

  1. I have been and will continue to be praying that your eyes would be opened to his immense goodness and love poured out to y’all!! As we walk through trials he is so faithful to increase our faith to believe that his promises are true: his grace is enough, he is working this for your good, he is full of loving kindness and mercy! Love you Lauren!